Identify the expectations. In reality, a healthy marriage won't completely eliminate all expectations, especially basic ones like respect, fidelity, and care. But the key is determining which expectations are healthy and realistic, and maintaining open communication about them. I've been guilty many times of expecting something from my husband that he wasn't even aware of and then getting frustrated if he didn't meet the unknown expectation.
Understand that your spouse will never meet all your needs. I was seeking my worth and validation in the gift God had given me, not in God himself who is the only One able to fill those needs. In my naivety I had come into marriage neglecting the fact that I was a very flawed sinner, who was marrying another sinner.
Love isn't about waiting around for someone to meet our needs. When I remember this I'm so freed by the truth. It sets my priorities straight and lets my husband off the hook.
Stop being a critic. I had a major revelation while reading about facing outside critics. I realized what a huge critic I was, typically in my thoughts towards people rather than with my words. I've been prayerfully determined to redirect that propensity ever since. With my husband specifically, I want to point out and focus on all the things he gets right. Instead of criticizing something because he doesn't do it the way I would, I want to view it in light of his natural gifts.
Embrace gratitude. This is one of the biggest for me. When I'm tempted to get hurt or frustrated, sometimes I have the wherewithal to stop myself and reflect on all my husband is doing right and the countless reasons I'm grateful for him. It's a life-changing habit and it ultimately brings glory to God.
Take initiative. Seek ways to bless your spouse. At first I was slow to serve because I thought he should be serving me first. Jesus did not come to earth to be served but to serve others.
Know what your husband's love language is. Learn what energizes and drains him. Ask about work and co-workers. Take sincere interest in what's going on and all he's dealing with. Make time in your day just for him. It's important.